John Barbecue Crisps
"I like my bread like I like my woman. Soft, plump, and full of dough."-John Barbecue Crisps on the topic of bread. John Barbecue Crisps is the local baker, and runs a secret bread smuggling scheme. He is affilated with the Tesco Boys Gang and the London Underground Crime Syndicate. Biography John was born in Yorkshire, and always aspired to become a baker even from an early age. His ambition started when his class were asked to taste test some brand new Kingsmill bread. He attended catering school, and left wirh a degree in baking. He moved to London, and moved up his own bakery on Molt Street it quickly became a hit with the locals. John's bakery became such a hit that he even began adding hot drinks and cupcakes to his line up of baked goods. John later formed his own smuggling ring where he smuggled bread into Canada and Russia in exchange for large cash rewards. Despite his store being very popular with the locals, John barely made enough money to stay open so he turned to the lfe of crime. His business caught the attention of the London Undeground Crime Syndicate and Tesco Boys Gang who often buy bread off him, and he is considered to one of their top associates. These Days John is also on the Wonga Family's list of men to be killed. John has also recently got married to a woman named Ugly Face Flesh Eating Smelly O'Brien. Brien's stepmother actually disapproved of their marriage, but they got married anyway in a small ceremony with Father Lampton providing the ceremony. John has also recently been provided bodyguards by John Marcus just in case the O'Brady Gang or the Harvey Boys Gang try anything clever. John has also become a person of interest for the FBI for unknown reasons most likely due to his close association with the Syndicate. His bakery also recently reviced backing from Harold Saxon whom John often delievers bread to. Personality and traits John is a very quiet and insecure man, and may suffer from some social anxiety. But it's just so hard to tell. His social awarkdness is one of the reasons why his wife Brien's stepmother opposed the marriage so much also due to John's low paying job as a baker. John is very kind, and like William P. Glendale, the Wonga Family don't want to kill John but they feel that they have no choice due to John being one of the Syndicate's most important allies. John has trouble reading, and only reads the easy books like the Mr Men series and picture books which don't even have any writing in them so you know his reading is bad. He may suffer from dyslexia as well. Despite his social shortcomings, John is very popular among the towns folk, and he evens sign autographes for people's bread. Weird I know. John is also a very loving husband, and despite her stepmother's protests Brien and John are currently making plans to have their first child togerher. He knows his bread, and know every single type. Despite coming off a normal bloke, John heads his own smuggling ring but only founded it to cope with his debts, as well as to let other people all around the world eat a bit of his dough. Sounds a bit sexual doesn't it? John is very decaded to his job allowing Marcus to provide him with bodyguards to protect it. He is very proud of his job wearing his baking overalls to his wedding instead of a suit something which disgusted Brien's stepmother. Trivia *John has recently gotten himself a fitness coach named Ravid Mavid to help him lose weight before his first child is born. *He is right-handed. *John has recently become a person of interest for the FBI for unknown reasons. Most likely due to his ties to the LUCS. *John has said that if he hadn't gotten into the baking business he would have been an artist. *He opposes the idea of adulteries, calling them sick and wrong. **As such, John also apposes the pornography industry, and blames them for the recent influx of adulteries in marriages. *John and his bakery are financially supported by Harold Saxon. *It is unknown how or if John is involved in Saxon's plot, but he most likely isn't given his small standing in London's criminal underworld. *John's wife Brien has even told him to watch his tongue as Mr Saxon expects him to always be on his first behaviour so he gets his money worth. *John's favourite video game is Plumbers Don't Wear Ties which is an interesting choice given that it is considered to be one of the most unpopular games of all time. *He is allergic to nuts and honey. *John wore his baking overalls to his wedding instead of a suit. Gallery why you no happy.jpg|John in 2019 that bread looks burnt.jpg|John holding a fresh loaf of bread. sdjfoswodoewf.jpg|John very upset due to one of his loafs getting burnt me and the wife we could have cake why should we have cake i've got my lttle straw.jpg|John and his wife Brien at their wedding baker imposter.jpg|John after being told that his baking sucks Category:Bruno Tattagllia Category:London Underground Crime Syndicate Category:Tesco Boys Gang Category:Bakers Category:Original character Category:Neutral Good Category:Overweight characters Category:Characters Category:Protagonists Category:Fathers Category:British